P2D11 - Lord Help Me Today 169.2

GM,

Today it's raining really hard and its sooooo gloomy. One of those days where you just want to stay in bed and sleep all day. I was afraid to weigh this morning. I just didn't "feel" like I had made any progress. So I dreaded the scale this morning, but i did, and I was right. It didn't budge a bit, not one single ounce. I guess the bright side is, I didn't gain either.

Yesterday was really hectic. Well lunch was great and up until it was time to leave work, I was right on schedule. Unfortunately, I had to make 3 stops. One to my moms to pick up computer equipment to drop off for a friend, and then to the friends to drop it off. Both stops put me behind on taking my hcg and eating :( I also stopped at Walmart to pick up some latex gloves to assure myself that I'm not touching any forbidden oils. I made it home around 9, 3hrs past my 2nd dosage. I was not hungry at all and perhaps the Gurmur pill my friend gave me to try not only destroyed my taste for sugar, but my appetite as well. I forced myself to eat the dinner I had luckily prepared the day before. Chicken and cabbage with the braggs liquid amino. After weighing in this morning I decided to go back to the very first meal I had when I had the success. Shrimp, cucumbers with Apple Cider Vinegar and 1/2 grapefruit with stevia and my melba toast. I did pick up some Mrs. Dash something Lime seasonings.

Although I'm a little sad this morning, I have to commend myself at my ability to stay strong with my urges and temptations. I can't really call them temptations I guess the better word would be "habits". I'm so used to snacking and eating just because I want it, more than I need it but during this time I have been good with being "ok" with not having. To my surprise when I went to Walmart, they added a freezer and food section. This is the first time I've had to shop for the family since starting the program 2wks ago. I still picked up everyone's favorite snacks, dinner foods and beverages (I'm so glad I had that gurmur pill). I didn't crave, drool, wish or dread not being able to have any of the items I bought. Orange cinnamon rolls by Pillsbury are one of my favorites. I placed them in the cart thinking about how my little one and his 2 cousins would bake them this weekend. I'm so glad mentally I'm focused to succeed on this program b/c if I hadn't, Lord only knows where I'd be right now.

There have been a time or two where I was in tears at wanting that chocolate cupcake, snickers or caramel cremes. I actually took my money to the vending machine, walked around the corner and stood there talking myself down from the quick high that would end in guilt and regret. I had tears in my eyes as my mouth watered. But I managed to pull myself together and return to my desk without making a single purchase. I prayed that the feeling would pass. I kept envisioning where I wanted to be in the next two months. The Holiday's are coming and I want to be on phase 3 or 4 at least.

Well, I'm hoping and praying that TOM is the cause of this roller coaster of emotions and lack of loss and not anything that I'm doing to myself. I cannot wait for this day to be over. Its been a while since I've felt this low. I feel myself getting teary so I'm going to end for now. Don't worry, I'll be okay :-) This too shall pass.